I was surprised to discover Stanley Featherstonehaugh Ukridge sitting in the barparlor of the Drones Club, for as a rule he's rather hard to find when you have the sort of business with him that I did.
"Ukridge!" I exclaimed. "Just the fellow I wanted to see. I wonder if you recall that tenner you touched me for during Goodwood? Because I've a longish Christmas list and I require every farthing I can muster to make everybody happy..."
"But of course, Laddie, I'll be happy to pay you back Friday, if only you could give me a hand with running my practice. My appointment nurse and receptionist ran out and left me in the lurch. Flighty girl! All because of a mere snake..."
"Tell me you're not practicing medicine!" I shuddered.
"You won't find me doctoring! That sort of thing's all right, I suppose, if you don't mind working with your hands. No, no, my field is much better: Psychic Pet Counselling. I'm a sort of psychiatrist for the four-legged set - no license required to hang out a shingle. Quite a lucrative wheeze. Why, I only work on Wednesdays!"
The more he related, the more impressed I was with this new endeavor. The clients he had scheduled were a couple of aberdeen terriers named McIntosh and Bartholemew (unrelated), a famous romance novelist's pekingese, named Poopsie, an earl's prize pig, the Empress, and some chap's newt Queenie. He met these maladjusted creatures and chatted with them, then advised their masters on treatment, for each suffered from one of the following: Low Self Esteem, Phobia (tartantrousaphobia: fear of men in plaid pants), Paranoia, Stress, and fixation on an Inappropriate Love Object (a box turtle named Suzette being the love object).
I agreed to help him out, and showed up the next day to admit the zoo to their consultations at 9, 10, 11, 12 noon, and 1. Each pet owner made an appointment for next week at one of those hours as well, for Ukridge always prescribed follow-up visits. Unfortunately, one of the patients ate the appointment book, and I was left with only some scribbled notes to recreate the schedule for next Wednesday's appointments.
Can you help reconstruct the schedule from the clues below, and tell which pet had which symptoms, what time the appointment was this week, and what time the appointment is next week?